Day 1-4

I am now living with my fourth cat. 

Hello friends and family!

   Today is the start of my adventure. I have been too caught up in the whirlwind of moving to realize what I just got myself into. 

Current Feeling: Terrified. 

Current Savings: $200

I forgot what it was like to not be in one's own home. Last summer around this exact time I spent a few months jumping from house to house. And here I am…lying in bed at my brother and sister-in-law's house. I will be here for a few weeks doing stuff around their house…I will be looking for places to stay and work. I have no idea what is going to happen…hence I am terrified. 

I wonder as I tiptoe around the house feeling so awkward and out of place and so afraid to make my presence known…do we do that with God? Feeling so ridiculous and ashamed that we can't embrace and enjoy what has been given to us. 

I am terrified because I don't have a job and I don't have a place to live. I just put all my life in my car (well minus the stuff that is in other people's houses) and here I am in DC to work for my brother and his wife who are awesome and helping me out…but I don't know what's next. I don't know where I will live next or where I will work. If I can't find a place for free or cheap then I won't be staying here…and I am okay with whatever happens…but what if it doesn't happen for me to be able to do this.

I am terrified because I don't want to be irresponsible or mooch off of people. I am almost 27 years old. And here I am…in a position that for one of my biggest dreams to be possible I have to rely on others to help me. I am willing to work my butt off and I intend to do just that…I know that what I am doing seems so stupid and so not the practical thing.

But here is the reasons that I am trying to fulfill my goal to hike the AT:

1) Do you know the feeling of you were made to do something…well that is how I feel about the AT. I feel like it is something I was made to do! Like it is something I am supposed to do. Being outside in nature is where I feel most alive and connected to God…and I always wanted to go to boot camp because I just wanted the challenge…I wanted to know that I was tough enough to make it…haha the AT is ten times better than boot camp :)

2) Going back to feeling like it is something I am supposed to do…I really feel like this is not taking a side step in my life but really is a part of going forward in pursuing my fullest potential and purpose in life! The AT is a place full of people in all walks of life walking for a myriad of reasons. I love people and I desire so much to impact people and know them and show love. I will learn how to be a better and stronger listener and have to learn to get to know people and on my own become bold and be able to meet people and be exactly who I am. I want to impact and be impacted by people that I never would come in contact with in a context that only a few people will ever get the opportunity to do. I feel like this is a key part of my journey of this life!

3) The opportunity to have alone time and complete soaking in nature to be able to clear away all of the confusion and chaos and distraction and seek God and seek out myself fully. I honestly believe that this is something that my heart, mind, and soul needs. And I believe that God will meet me here. That my relationship with God will be strengthened and mended. I feel like this is the best thing for my relationship with God…and that alone is good enough a reason to be doing this despite how crazy it may seem or truly be. 

4) This has been one of my biggest dreams and goals…and as life continues and more and more responsibilities arise. The opportunity to do this will be less available. I hope to go to graduate school soon and with more loans to come it would be nearly impossible for this adventure to happen again. 

5) I want to learn what only an experience like this can teach me. I want a life that is as different as this experience will be. I want to be someone and reach people that only this experience can shape me into and help me meet those people. 

I have been living apart from my dreams, goals, design, and purpose over the last few years. I graduated from college knowing I wanted to go back to grad school and get my masters. I wanted to do family and marriage counseling. I wanted to work with broken people that were not the norm. I wanted a life that was far from mundane. Since graduating I have done so few of those things. I am been so consumed with my loans and making the practical decision and trying to put my faith back together as it seems to have shattered completely during my senior year of college. I have been unhappy the last few years because I am not doing what I love and feel made to do. I have been moving in the opposite direction of who I am and what I feel I am really supposed to do. I have been trying to be practical and do things that make sense…but I have felt more and more miserable. I don't feel like I am being me nor am I doing what I am designed to do…so here I am. I moved from Nashville to VA and am living with my brother and his wife doing some work for them while i look for a job and a place to live…

I want this adventure to be able to happen so bad…and then go back to grad school!!! 

…Skip ahead to day 4 and I am feeling a lot better and it feels so wonderful to be back and to be playing soccer and hanging out with old friends and making new ones. I think I truly feel more at home here in the North…but truth be told…while I love power washing and cleaning and odd jobs…I am feeling more and more anxious about getting a job and a place to live. I am extremely overwhelmed and in major need of budgeting skills. 

So if you have any thoughts, ideas, places for me to live, jobs for me, or soccer games I can come play at that would be great. Thanks for stopping in my world.