Humbled

About to head back out on the trail...

The truth is that I am nervous and a huge part of me doesn't want to go back out there. I am scared. I am scared of the dark and of being alone and of bad things happening...it's been so nice to be here in Nashville with good friends...but I know still that I have a lot of growing to do...I have an adventure I need to go on. I am trying to grow and stretch and become something more than I am...and that is hard and scary in general...add some woods and a ton of strangers and lots of time alone...and a lot of pain...it just makes it really hard.

So there is the truth. The truth is that I am scared and don't want to go back out...but at the same time I am so ready to go back out and be in the woods...and I am gonna see how far I can get...taking it easy and just learning to relax...I am too paranoid and too panicky.

I still get scared in my room at night in my house...so clearly the woods alone is the best place for me...but I am craving the beauty and the quiet...

...I will go back out there tomorrow afternoon...knowing the truth in me is that I want to be comfortable...I don't want a lot...just strawberries, toilets, and a place to wash my hands. I like being comfortable. I am used to it...but the whole point is I want to learn to enjoy not being comfortable. And that is not also the easiest and most enjoyable thing...

One day I would like to be like a rocking chair...but for now I kinda of need to be like a...a three legged stool. Not so sturdy and not so comfortable...

I AM GOING ON AN ADVENTURE

Hey!

I meant to write something a long time ago...I just have been so busy and overwhelmed planning for this trip.

Regrets: 1)bulking up but not doing cardio...haha 2)being in such a bad mood and being so stressed out and letting my emotions get the best of me to not fully enjoy and get my parents in on my planning. I hope you guys are reading this...I love you a lot and I am so grateful for what you have done to help me...maybe one day I can get my words/feelings and my actions to actually connect.

So I have about 3,600 dollars in my account thanks to sweet gifts from wonderful friends...

I had to delay my trip by a few days and then another whole day so my itinerary is going to be off a little bit.

To be honest I am really overwhelmed and nervous...but excited...but I know the first few weeks are going to be really rough...the last few months have been rough and I can't tell if that is a good thing for my trip or not...

Good news: I got my pack weight down to 30 pounds with two things of water and about 4-5 days worth of food.

My tent is starting to worry me cause it is big and kind of annoying but its about the only thing I can do to reduce my pack weight down more...thanks to my millions of medicines I kinda have to have they are pretty heavy...but I really want a tent cause I think I am going to need my little safe and quiet space...

I am beginning to be nervous that there won't be a ton of people around...I kinda feel like I need some...but wasn't the point of why I wanted to go alone so I wouldn't feel so much in need of people??

I wish I had been less scatter brained and had more time to really write all my thoughts...but to be honest I don't think  my thoughts would work with me to write...

So I love you all and will miss you guys!!! Here are some fun pictures of the day before I left!!!