Humbled

About to head back out on the trail...

The truth is that I am nervous and a huge part of me doesn't want to go back out there. I am scared. I am scared of the dark and of being alone and of bad things happening...it's been so nice to be here in Nashville with good friends...but I know still that I have a lot of growing to do...I have an adventure I need to go on. I am trying to grow and stretch and become something more than I am...and that is hard and scary in general...add some woods and a ton of strangers and lots of time alone...and a lot of pain...it just makes it really hard.

So there is the truth. The truth is that I am scared and don't want to go back out...but at the same time I am so ready to go back out and be in the woods...and I am gonna see how far I can get...taking it easy and just learning to relax...I am too paranoid and too panicky.

I still get scared in my room at night in my house...so clearly the woods alone is the best place for me...but I am craving the beauty and the quiet...

...I will go back out there tomorrow afternoon...knowing the truth in me is that I want to be comfortable...I don't want a lot...just strawberries, toilets, and a place to wash my hands. I like being comfortable. I am used to it...but the whole point is I want to learn to enjoy not being comfortable. And that is not also the easiest and most enjoyable thing...

One day I would like to be like a rocking chair...but for now I kinda of need to be like a...a three legged stool. Not so sturdy and not so comfortable...